Here & Now

本文引用自PsyLeu911 - 要多少專業人士才能更換一個燈泡？

忍不住轉貼過來了，黑色幽默，很讚～

我相信生活總有比笑話荒謬的可能～ 哈

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個醫生才能換掉一個燈泡？

• That depends on whether it has health insurance.「要看它有沒有健康保險！」
• None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.沒有。他們會要他吃兩顆阿斯匹靈，過兩天再來。
• None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.沒有。他們會簽署死亡證明書，然後通知停屍間。
• None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.沒有。他們會診斷有憂鬱症狀，然後開速悅給他吃。
• Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.只要一個，但是必須有一個護士告訴他該從哪一邊把燈泡鎖進去。
• Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.要三個。要找一個燈泡專科醫師、一個燈泡安裝專科醫師、一個給健保局寫報告。

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個外科醫生才能換掉一個燈泡？

• None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.沒有。他們會等到有合適的捐贈器官，然後才會做移植手術。
• Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.三個。同時他們也會把你現在不用的部分順便摘除掉。

How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個物理治療師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.沒有。他們會給燈泡做些運動，希望下次回診的時候進步一些。

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個社工師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• "The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change."「燈泡不需要被換掉，是整個系統必須被換掉！」
• None. Social workers never change anything.沒有。社工師從不改變任何事！
• None. They empower it to change itself!沒有。他們會賦權鼓勵它，然後讓它自己換！
• None. The light bulb is not burnt out, it's just differently lit.沒有。燈泡沒有燒掉，只是亮度不一樣。
• None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.沒有。他們組成一個可以在黑暗中寫報告的團隊。
• Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.兩個。一個換燈泡，一個把你小孩帶走安置。
• Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.五個。一個把燈泡轉緊一點，三個組成支持性團體，一個去看著要換上去的那個燈泡。

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個諮商心理師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.沒有。當燈泡準備好，他自己會換。
• Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.只要一個，但是必須燈泡自己真的希望被換掉。
• Just one, but it takes nine visits.只要一個，但是必須約九次的諮商歷程。

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個臨床心理師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• "How long have you been having this phantasy?"「你有這個幻覺有多久了？」
• "Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"「為什麼燈泡必須被換掉呢？」
• One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.一個，但是他必須參照精神疾病診斷手冊第四版。

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個心理分析師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• "How many do you think it takes?"「你覺得需要多少個？」

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
要多少個護理師才能換掉一個燈泡？

• None, they just have a nursing assistant do it.沒有，她們會叫小護士去做這件事。
• As much as the doctor orders.醫生說幾個就幾個！